my own worst enemy

So I just booked my valentine’s/president’s day present to myself this morning.  VirginAtlantic was running some absurd sale on tickets to L.A. so I kept my promise to Libby to come and see her over President’s Day weekend.  I am so excited.  In fact… (I’m a big dork – you all know this) I started to think that this is my first time on the West Coast – first time to CA.  This is kind of monumental for me; and I’m kind of monumentally excited.

My goal is to pick up two shifts at Cactus this weekend that will pay off the ticket - $250 round trip Boston to LA is really reasonable, though.  I couldn’t pass it up.  Then a couple shifts before I go to pay for food/going out.  No Rodeo Drive shopping for me – but it’s not my thing anyway.  I’m sitting here in a sweater from Express I bought 2 years ago and it most definitely has a rip in it.  HAHA.

Okay so I apparently put a few people into panic with my last post.  Don’t worry I’m not totally ADHD and going off the deepend – was just in a dark mood I suppose.

You know what I don’t recommend?  A four week (sounds worse or better than a whole month?) sabbatical from the gym/running.  Last night was torture.  Ughhh no one but myself to blame but jaysus I couldn’t run more than 20 minutes last night.  Then I was convinced people were watching me run and I was embarrassed of my cellulite (running tights hide NOTHING) that I swear is the Christmas gift that keeps on giving… So I left anxiety-stricken, really mad at myself, and only 250 calories burned.

I got to thinking during my short, pathetic run… I’m not good at this.  I’m not good at being healthy.  I go through stints where I’m doing really well but it’s all flipped upside down at some point.  I mean, I’m good at important things like school (thinking of going back for MBA) and work – really good at those things.  But I’m god-awful at keeping a healthy routine.  I look at all the in-shape people and just wonder … “how?”

But in today’s society doing well at your job and being strong academically really means squat.  I hate to say it, but we’re all judgmental.  Family, please don’t take offense but I literally dread coming home to my family if I’ve gained weight.  It’s the first thing anyone notices and someone almost always has something to say about it.

I get that it’s a health risk factor – I get that.  But I’m not morbidly obese and my cholesterol is more than fine.  The thing is that I’m the most judgmental of anyone when it comes to myself. I’m my own worst critic, always have been.  I don’t like it either – I just struggggle.

That being said – I’m going to a weight watchers meeting this afternoon.  I’m going to be driving you all nuts telling you how many points everything is.  I think I’ve earned a point with all the typing in this post – hahaha. 

})i({